The writing torrent has halted temporarily due to a busy weekend involving too much chilli con carne, certain questionable music talent shows and slapping the L plates on Mr P’s car for a hair-raising bit of practice. We’re intact, fear not.

Instead of a review, then, I present an idea that popped into my head after looking at the ‘how OS Fanboys and iPhone users see others’ diagrams. This was constructed entirely during Weekend Wogan using nary an expensive tool but good old Paint (and insert Fair Use for Hilarity Purposes copyright statement here):

In case some of the famous faces aren’t known, a brief primer for the discerning listener below the cut.

Radio 1: Zane Lowe, evening DJ; Trevor Nelson, purveyor of soul on many stations; David Jacobs, part of the Radio 2 old guard; Gabby Logan, weekday lunchtime 5Live totty; Steve Lamacq, Radio 1 alumnus now on 6Music.

1Xtra: Reggie Yates, darling of Radio 1 and kids’ TV; Tinchy Stryder, cheeky UK rapper; Mr Nelson again; Julian Joseph, jazz musician and Radio 3 DJ; on the far right Red Dwarf star and 6Music funkmeister Craig Charles.

Radio 2: Arrogant fictional prat Nathan Barley; Richard Madeley being cringey as Ali G; Mark Lamarr, TV darling and Radio 2 rock’n’roll DJ; for 6Music, ranty film critic Mark Kermode; Stuart Maconie, beloved rambler of both Radio 2 and 6Music’s Freak Zone.

Radio 3: for 1Xtra, US rapper Lil’ Boosie; Chris Evans, breakfast Radio 2 favourite; 5Live’s Richard Bacon, former coke-filled Blue Peter presenter.

Radio 4: Smashie and ‘let’s rock’ Nicey for Radio 2; and the Fast Show’s Jazz Club presenter for Radio 3.

6Music: Drum ‘n’ bass star Goldie in for 1Xtra; poptastic Tony Blackburn for Radio 2; fictional grumpy socialite Hyacinth Bouquet for Radio4; Newsround legend John Craven for 5Live; Elbow frontman and 6Music star Guy Garvey.

I should probably insert another disclaimer that my musical tastes are as broad as my Paint skills are varied, and I do listen to all these stations from time to time. (Even 1Xtra. Innit.) But judging by the stifled snorts of Mr P, I seem to have got at least some of these spot-on…

Normal service should be resumed tomorrow!


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